Fear Factor: Snakes? Heights? Try Parenting!

When it comes to worrying about my kids, I think I’m a typical parent.

The kind of parent who watches scary movies in his mind.

Here’s one of my favorites: I arrive home and my three-year-old comes running down the driveway to greet me. I am suddenly confronted by this uninvited vision of him tripping and falling on his face. As I gasped aloud, he jumps up screaming to reveal a bloodied mouth and missing teeth.

Of course, this whole sequence happens in a split-second, causing my heart to skip a beat and sending a surge of adrenaline pumping through my veins.

With a quick shake of my head, I chase the nightmare away in time to lift my (uninjured) son into my arms with a big embrace and an even bigger sigh of relief.

Ever see that one? I’ve been told it’s a classic.

As parents who love our children so deeply and are charged by God with the responsibility to care for them, it’s certainly easy and understandable to be worried about their well-being. After all, I can think of few things worse for a parent than the burden of guilt if something were to ever happen.

How often, it seems, we see distraught families on television lamenting over the loss of a child and crying out, “If only I would have….”

This feeling, of course, is relatively new to me. For 25 years B.C. (Before Children), I was never really a fearful or worrisome person. I wasn’t one to fret over problems or to be particularly concerned about safety issues. Now, I hear every crying baby within a ten-block radius.

As the parent of two small boys, I can walk into a room and even the smallest potential hazard becomes illuminated as I survey the scene. It’s like I’ve evolved into some kind of psychic medium on a new television series, “The Parentalist.”

As I enter a room, I immediately begin to notice sharp corners on furniture, small objects within reach, electrical outlets exposed, fragile items, stairs, sliding glass doors, accessible scissors/knives/tools, hard surfaces, tripping hazards, hazardous chemicals, and creepy-looking strangers. And that’s just on the first pass. Give me a moment to walk around and the list is certain to grow.

We live in a society that inundates parents with haunting statistics and sensationalized news items. Every day, there’s a new viral strain or contaminated food supply. We read about the number of sexual predators in our area and listen to the latest Amber Alert over the airwaves. We receive e-mails about some colorful candy laced with hallucinogenic drugs aimed at reaching children. We are continually confronted by a dangerous world.

So our kids sit in car seats, wear bike helmets, carry cell phones with GPS, and constantly clean with antibacterial hand wipes. They stay by our sides at the mall and never leave the front yard at home. We teach them to say no to cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, poisons, peer pressure, and strangers. We teach them how to dial 911 and to stop, drop, and roll.

And yet, we still worry.

One of the great lessons I learned as I first became a parent is that, ultimately, I am not in control. I have a responsibility to be a good steward of the children God has given me, and to exercise proper judgment and discretion, but there are limits as to the extent that I can truly protect my children.

At some point, I have to entrust their safety to God.

If I don’t, I’ll never be able to let go.

I learned this from my first child. A child I won’t get to meet until our heavenly reunion.

After five years of marriage, my wife and I were finally ready to start our family. After a few months of trying, Hannah became pregnant. From the moment I saw the plus sign on the home pregnancy test, I was in love with our soon-to-be son or daughter. In the weeks that followed, we got to hear the heartbeat and see pictures of the baby’s early development. Even at that earliest of stages, I so loved that child that I would have laid down my life for him/her.

My wife and I did everything we knew to do to care for our child. Hannah took prenatal vitamins in the months leading up to the pregnancy and continuing afterwards. She was careful in her dietary choices. She exercised regularly, but not too rigorously.
She avoided stress and got plenty of rest. We obtained regular prenatal care from our obstetrician.

And every night, I laid hands on her stomach and I prayed over our child. Regardless of the specifics of each prayer, I always prophesied two things: life and protection. I declared the life of God over our child and I asked God to protect the mother and child throughout the pregnancy.

And, in spite of all of our best efforts and our diligent prayers, we lost our child in a miscarriage when he/she was just ten weeks old.

One afternoon, I’m excited as I listen to the heartbeat in the doctor’s office. Two nights later, I’m devastated as I hold our lifeless baby in the bathroom.

The night at the hospital and the days that followed were the most difficult of my adult life. It was such a crippling feeling, knowing there was nothing that I could do to save my baby. I would have done anything to change the events of that moment.

In the days that followed, we battled discouragement and guilt as we wrestled with the “what ifs” during the early days and weeks of our pregnancy.

Ultimately though, we had to reconcile our feelings with the reality of God’s Word. We live in a world riddled with sickness, disease, and every form of evil, ushered in at the Fall. As much as we want to protect our children, we live in a dangerous world, and no one is outside of its reach.

Before we could begin the process of trying for a baby again, I had to allow God to heal my heart. I did not want to allow fear to rob me of the joy of a second pregnancy.

I had determined that during each successive pregnancy and from birth until death, I would trust God with my children’s lives.

You see, only faith displaces fear. I have come to realize that God is more capable than I will ever be, so my faith is in Him alone.

That’s not a license I use to be foolish, but rather as liberty to know that all God requires of me is my best. After all, control is really just an illusion. I can’t guarantee the safety of my children, but I can entrust them into God’s hands for their protection.

If they leave this world before I do, I will weep only for my loss, not theirs.

If they leave this world first, they have a head start on eternity with their real Father.

If they leave this world before I’m ready, I will have even more reason to live in such a way as to join them at the end.

There’s already one waiting.

Waiting for our family reunion.

The Heart of the Matter

There are two dominant worldviews at play in our culture today. Political, economic, social, and moral debates all revolve around these two competing views of humanity.

The most prevalent view is that of humanism – the presumption that man is inherently good and that given the proper education, environment, and opportunity, man will always choose to do what is right. This is the philosophy evident in today’s mainstream culture. It is the driving force behind political agendas, economic programs, educational initiatives, and even parenting practices. Examine the platform of any left-leaning organization or candidate and you will find this fundamental tenet at the core of every issue.

Contrast this with the Biblical view of humanity – man was born with a sinful nature that is only corrected through the redemptive work of Jesus Christ. This view recognizes the existence of evil as a real force in the world. It also understands that man has been given a free will and that he exercises that liberty in the choices he makes between right and wrong. He bears full responsibility for his actions.

In practical terms, humanism says that a man becomes a thief because he was raised in a bad environment and wasn’t taught that stealing is wrong. He shouldn’t be punished; he just needs to be rehabilitated. The Bible teaches that a man is innately aware that stealing is wrong and chooses to do so anyway, and dictates that “out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man.” (Mark 7:21-23)

Humanism says that a woman is poor because the school system failed to properly educate her and now she can’t find a job. She shouldn’t be blamed for dropping out of school; she just needs to be given a free college education. The Bible teaches that the individual bears the responsibility for her failures and that success comes to those who are diligent and hardworking. It promises that “he who has a slack hand becomes poor, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.” (Proverbs 10:4)

Humanism says that children are good inside and that they only need encouragement, guidance, and a healthy self-esteem to be successful. They shouldn’t be allowed to suffer consequences; they just need to be reasoned with. The Bible teaches that children are rebellious and require discipline, and warns that “foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” (Proverbs 22:15)

Put simply, humanism suggests that people are changed from the outside-in. That is, by correcting the external, we can affect change internally. Bad people put in good situations will become good.

The Bible clearly illustrates that man is changed from the inside-out. It is only by a transformation of the heart that any significant change in behavior can be expected to follow. Bad people put in good situations will still remain bad.

The Bible rightly says that “evil company corrupts good habits.” But the inverse of this statement does not hold true - good company does not produce good habits. Humanists apply false logic in making this assumption.

Unfortunately, this humanistic worldview has spilled over into Christian families. Many parents professing Christianity have unwittingly adopted this unbiblical view in their parenting practices. Deep down, they believe that their children are “good kids” and that if they control their environment (friends), their education (schooling), and their opportunities (freedoms), that their children will do what is right. This notion is simply not true.

As an administrator of a Christian school, I receive numerous phone calls each year from parents who explain that their children are not performing well at their current school. Without exception, they almost always attribute the problems to “poor teachers” and “hanging out with the wrong crowd.” They are convinced that if they simply put their child in a different environment, that their child will no longer make the same poor choices. That is the deception of humanistic thinking – if a parent can change the outside, the inside will change also. Sadly, history has dictated a much different story.

To which worldview do you subscribe? The next time it is suggested that your child did something wrong, examine your reaction. Is your immediate response to attribute it to some outside influence such as his friends, his school, his music choices, or his internet use?

When we allow our attention to be on these outside sources, we fail to focus on what matters most. To borrow from the popular song title, the heart of the matter is a matter of the heart. That is why the Bible says to “keep your heart with all diligence, for out it spring the issues of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)

As parents, we must fight the tendency to analyze, rationalize, and otherwise attribute every misdeed by our children to something other than what the Bible says it is.

Sin is sin. By any other name, it’s a humanistic denial of the Truth.

It’s what’s on the inside that matters.
That’s what we’ve taught our children for generations.

Now it’s time for us to practice what we preach.

I Was Going to Write My Blog, But I Forgot…

If my writing jumps around a lot and it doesn’t always make sense, it’s because I have ADHD so I can’t stay focused. I’ve been locked in my office and I’m not allowed to come out until I’m finished writing all of my blog, but I don’t think that’s very fair, since no one even told me what I’m supposed to be writing about.

The whole reason I’m still not done is because this is the second time I’ve written this blog. I wrote the first draft last week. I put it in a folder in my briefcase, but the next day when I went to get it out, it was gone. It makes me really mad that someone went in to my briefcase and stole my blog that I had worked on for so long. Whoever it was must have taken the key for my briefcase out of my desk drawer and used it to get my paper when I was in the restroom, because I only left my briefcase sitting by itself for five minutes the whole day.

I don’t even know why I should bother writing this blog anyway. The people who read it don’t like me and they’re just going to write mean comments on it and give me a bad review. All of the other bloggers get higher ratings even though my blog is way better than what they write. That’s just because the readers like them more than they like me. It’s so unfair.

I’m not even going to get full credit for writing this. Supposedly the deadline was last Tuesday, but I must have gone to the bathroom when it was announced, because I know that I wasn’t made aware. If I had known, I would have turned it in on time. I was given a one-day extension to get it in, but I had a dentist appointment that day, so when I got back to work, no one reminded me to upload my blog, so I forgot to do it, even though I had it, so now it’s considered “late.” Isn’t that ridiculous?

I mean, what’s with all these dumb rules, anyway? How am I supposed to know when this is due and that’s due and how much time for this and that and the other? I’m trying my hardest, isn’t that enough? Nobody cares about me; all they care about is whether I get my blog done. How impersonal!

When I told my mom the real story about what happened with my blog, she marched right down to my workplace and demanded a meeting with my supervisor. She told him about how hard things are for me at home right now with a wife and two young kids to take care of and the slumping economy and the rising cost of food and gas. My mom is good at making other people understand my circumstances so that they aren’t so hard on me when I’m a little bit late posting my blogs.

It’s hard being a thirty-something these days. I’m pretty stressed out from worrying about America’s need for alternative energy sources and the financial bailout of Fannie Mae with taxpayer dollars. And there’s a lot of peer pressure to deal with too. People are constantly pushing Obama on me, so sometimes it's hard to do the right thing and support McCain/Palin. With all these worries and pressures, I just don’t have time to write the blog.

It’s 2:00 a.m. and I’m still trying to finish this thing. It’s supposed to be at least 500 words long, but that’s way too much to expect from an amateur blogger. I’m not a professional. It’s not like I’m even going to use any of this when I get older.

Supposedly it’s in my contract that I’m to write one blog every week, but I never saw that anywhere. I remember getting a bunch of papers at the beginning of the year, but I didn’t know I was supposed to read them all. Why didn’t someone tell me they were important?

I just looked through those papers and I found something about my blog assignments. Apparently, I have an assigned topic for each month. So now that I’ve wasted all this time writing all of this other stuff because no one told me what to do, I’m going to have to start all over again on the topic I'm assigned:

“Teaching Personal Responsibility” – a blog by Jim McKenzie

Excuses are so easy to make, aren’t they? I could list dozens of excuses I hear everyday from students...