Family-Friendly Products for a Safe Home

I wanted to share with you some products that I think are invaluable to parents in helping to monitor the content that comes into our homes and to help control the amount of media children consume (see last month's blog on creating a media diet). I've also listed a new product that will help you monitor your teen's (or spouse's!) driving habits without being in the car with them.

Here's a great item I purchased for my family back at Christmas. It's called ClearPlay and it is a fancy DVD Player that can play regular DVD movies -- but without profanity, violence and nudity. How does that work? It's really quite ingenious. The company has created filtering information on a movie-by-movie basis, and then put those "filters" into the DVD player. This way, the DVD player knows when to skip or mute while the movie is playing.

But isn’t it choppy? Nope. That’s the great thing about the ClearPlay service. They take great care to maintain the presentation quality of the movie– the only thing gone is “that one scene” you wish your kids never saw. Priced at just $79.99 (I bought my on sale at Target for $40), it's an affordable way to watch a movie together as a family. For more information, visit their website at http://www.clearplay.com/.

Want to control what your kids are exposed to on the internet? I highly recommend NetNanny by ContentWatch. An incredibly powerful tool for parents. It's such a great product, we've purchase a site license and have added it to every computer at The Rock School this summer. NetNanny allows you to create a login for each person in the family and set restrictions for each one separately. You can limit the amount of time the child can spend on the computer each day (a countdown appears in the corner while the users are logged on and automatically logs them off when time expires.) You can use it to block websites based on content, ratings, ads, category, etc. You can set it to send you an e-mail each time a user tries to access a blocked site so that you can see what your child is doing online. You can use it to block e-mails, chat rooms, and instant messaging or have it record a transcript of the conversations for you to see later. Priced at $39.99 with free updates and technical support, it's a must-have for every family. For more information, visit http://www.netnanny.com/.

Looking for a way to monitor the amount of TV your child watches? Especially this summer while you're at work and they are home? Family Safe Media offers several different products that all provide the same basic service. You can plug a TV or video gaming device into any one of the products and it controls the power. The devices allow you to set the time limits on a daily or weekly basis. TV Timer Bob uses a 4-digit PIN code (you can give each child a different code), Time Scout uses a "credit card" that a parent can load with a pre-determined number of minutes (the child swipes their card to turn the TV on and the timer starts). The Time Machine uses tokens to control the TV usage. (You can reward your kids with tokens that will provide 30 minutes of television usage per token.) The device works with video games as well. Your TV or gaming machine is plugged into the device and locked with a key so even clever kids can't bypass the system. Prices vary, but the products range from $70 - $90. For information on these products, visit http://www.familysafemedia.com/.

Finally, do you have a teenage driver? Wonder how safe they drive when you're not looking? The CarChip Pro is like a black box for your car. About the size of a keyfob, it allows you to plug it in to your car and track data for up to 300 hours of drive time. It helps you know how you car is being driven, and track the speeds, hard stops, and overall vehicle performance.
It also allows you to set audible alarms that can act as 'reminders' for excessive events (like driving too fast!) Whenever you want to follow-up, you simply remove the chip, plug it into your computer, and it downloads all of the data and provides it for you in an easy-to-understand format that includes graphs, charts, and timelines. It will also calculate your gas mileage and perform diagnostic checks on your vehicle. The CarChip Pro sells for $99 and is available at http://www.familysafemedia.com/.


Talk Back: Have you tried any of these products? Do you know of other great products that you want to share with other parents? If so, tell us about it. Click "comments" and post a reply.

Leaders, Not Lemmings

There is a great commercial out by FedEx that I think is absolutely hilarious. A company leader is giving a seminar to his employees.

Here’s the script (or watch it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRUK9cHFJ5s).

Trainer (holding a lemming in his hands): “Does everyone know what this is?”

Team Members (uncertain): “No.”

Trainer: “Well, it’s a lemming. From now on, we’re not going to be lemmings, we’re going to be leaders.”

Trainer (sees FedEx delivery guy enter): “Here’s a good example. We switched to FedEx Ground which has the fastest service to the most businesses in the US.”

Trainer (calling on individuals): So, Jim, what are we?

Jim: Leaders.

Trainer: Yes! Nancy, what are we?

Nancy (proudly): Leaders!

Trainer (he is bitten by the lemming and drops it to the floor): Yeah.… Oww…

[The lemming rushes off and the entire group immediately falls to the floor and frantically scurries after it on all fours.]

Delivery Guy (reassuredly): It’s a process.


As I watch that commercial, I can’t help but laugh and think – that’s pretty much the plight of every parent. Because when it comes right down to it, there are only two kinds of kids that we can raise – leaders or lemmings. Those who will chart the course and those who will follow.

American culture offers our children many lemmings to choose from. But unlike the furry little rodent in the commercial, today’s culture has cleverly disguised them in the many worldviews on parade in our generation. The trap is more deceptive, the temptation to follow is more alluring.

Jesus said to “enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.” (Matthew 7:13-14)

Our children will never enter by the narrow gate if they follow the lemmings of their generation down the wide road.

As I watch the commercial unfold, I see a well-intentioned company trainer. But he makes the same two mistakes that we can make as parents:

1. Instruction in what not to be isn’t enough. ("We're not going to be lemmings") Telling a man how not to build a house isn’t going to help him get it done. He needs blueprints, instructions, and a plan. While there are times when what not to do is sufficient ("Don’t touch – it’s hot"), generally, more will be needed, particularly as kids grow older. In Do Hard Things, Alex & Brett Harris challenge teens to be known for what they do, not for what they don’t do. That should be our emphasis too.

2. There is a big difference between “telling” and “teaching.” ("We're going to be leaders") As a first-year teacher in fifth grade many years ago, I made the common mistake of telling my students about the classroom procedures (sharpening pencils, turning in assignments, etc.). I was greatly frustrated at how unsuccessful the students were at following these procedures. The second year, I spent the first six weeks of school teaching the procedures to the students. The result? A well-run, orderly classroom for the remainder of the year.

As parents, there is wisdom in our words. No doubt. But telling our kids to use good manners doesn’t teach them how to act in a restaurant (something I must keep reminding myself of when I’m out with my kids!) Telling our teens to dress modestly doesn’t teach them what that looks like. And telling them to be a leader doesn’t teach them how to become one.

The root of the word discipline is disciple, which means “follower.” When we discipline our children we are seeking to make them followers – followers of us, followers of The Way.

It's quite a paradox, isn't it? In order to keep them from becoming followers, we must teach them to be leaders; to teach them to be leaders, we must develop them into followers.

The process of disciplining our children is different than punishment. Punishment, alone, does not create a disciple. If it did, our prisons would not be filled with repeat offenders.

Discipline is the process of teaching the expected behavior, allowing time for the behavior to be learned and mastered, and then introducing a consequence as needed to reinforce the expected behavior (i.e. punishment).

Like the commercial, we may watch our kids nod enthusiastically and parrot back the right answer, only to watch them fall back in with the crowd again.

But as we strive to create leaders and disciples, let us not grow weary in our efforts to discipline. The cultural battle is strong and at times our kids may seem caught in a spiritual tug-of-war. But the Bible offers us this promise: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

Or, as the wise FedEx delivery guy would remind us, “It’s a process.”


Talk Back: What are the challenges that you face in disciplining your children? How have you dealt with these challenges? Do you feel the pull of the crowd is a real issue among kids today? If so, how can parents combat these forces?

A Lasting Legacy: A Father's Day Tribute

With Father's Day coming up this Sunday, I wanted to share with readers about my childhood hero and his lasting legacy.


My grandpa’s death two years ago marked the passing of a generation. A generation of men who are rare in today’s world. Some would say they are just old; others might label them old-fashioned. To me, they are a time capsule carrying values and principles from a previous generation that are sorely needed in these our modern times. I am so grateful that he was a part of my life and I am saddened for all of those who never had the opportunity to know him.

When our family moved to be closer to my grandparents, I was in the third grade.

It was, in the modern sense of the term, my rite of passage; the beginning of my transformation from boy to man. You see, growing up, it was my grandpa, in large part, who helped shape my understanding of what it meant to be a man. Not in the false, selfish, mythical way I saw it defined in pro sports and Hollywood productions, but real manhood as God intended when we were created in His image.

I was an adventurous child, but also timid. My grandpa taught me to face my fears in order to conquer them. I had the ability to learn, but I was short-tempered. My grandpa taught me not to be a quitter. I was wild at heart; my grandpa taught me social graces. I learned to address my elders with ma’am and sir; to put on a shirt before coming to the dinner table; and to clean up after myself instead of leaving a trail of evidence wherever I went.

I learned that a real man is not the puffed-up, muscle-flexing images I saw in magazines and idolized on wrestling shows.

My grandpa – he was a real man. He was a gentle giant. Those two simple words – a paradox, perhaps - gentle giant – capsulate my grandpa’s life for me better than any other words I can imagine.

Those who knew my grandpa know why I use this word gentle. He was well-spoken, kind-hearted; a true gentlemen.


And yet, he was a giant. He was rugged, courageous, bold, and adventurous. The guest bedroom where I stayed in their home was adorned with models of fighter jets, helmets, military awards, and photos of his 20+ years as a pilot in the US Air Force. He taught me how to fish and to drive a boat. We raised and butchered rabbits and hung the skins out to dry. I learned how to work on a car and to operate farm equipment. As a growing boy, what more could I want?

And yet, he was a giant in other ways as well. He was a great man of faith; a pillar of the church and the community. He was the backbone of his family; a source of strength in times of adversity. He was a shelter from the storm for those who sought his counsel or his friendship.

To speak of my grandfather this way, one might suggest that I think he was perfect. No, he was not. Only one perfect man has ever walked the face of this earth. But because my grandpa so patterned his life after that perfect man, Jesus, I like to think that perhaps he was a close second.

Paul wrote in Second Corinthians that we are called to be “living epistles.” That for each of us, our lives are written like a letter, a book, a record of history – penned by the actions of our lives for the world to read.

The volume that is my grandpa’s life is complete. The last chapter has been written; the words recorded on the final pages. Though his body has returned to the earth from which it came, and his spirit has ascended into heaven for which it was made, the life and memory of my grandpa lives on.


It is written on the hearts of those he touched.

You see, we are all a living epistle – each with blank pages awaiting the stories of our lives to be written. For those who knew my grandpa, for those who share memories as I do, there is a part of him scripted in their life’s letter.

A man establishes his reputation by the words that he writes in his own book.
But a man leaves a legacy by the words that he writes in the lives of others.

My grandpa understood this better than most. His memory will live on through the life lessons, the affirming words, the acts of service that he shared with so many. His signature can be found at the bottom of many pages of many lives. I am grateful that he was a main character in my life’s work.

And I will keep my grandpa’s legacy alive as I copy the stories from my life into my sons’, writing them with the same love and passion by which grandpa recorded them in me. His life will be forever archived as his legacy is passed on to each new generation.

My grandpa was many things, but at heart, he was a teacher - a profession, in fact, that he pursued with great success in the latter part of his life. I believe that even in his passing, my grandpa had one final lesson that we were to learn from him. And that is this: to die in peace, but more importantly, to live in peace, is to pattern your life to love God and love your family, and to be committed to serving both.

His life complete; his letter written; the pages filled; his legacy crafted - my grandfather left his mark.

And as I reflect on his memory, I will always hear the whisper of that gentle giant asking, “What will your mark be?”


Talk Back: As I reflect on my grandpa's life, it inspires me to be a better father. Is there a father or father-figure that has impacted your life in a special way?

Mistaken I-dentity

Most people don't know this, but the full name of the "Statue of Liberty" is actually "The Statue of Liberty Enlightening the World." It was abbreviated over time, most likely because it was a little lengthy to fit into a normal conversation. (New Yorkers tend to be short on words. See: I "heart" NY tees as example)

While it makes for an interesting trivia question, it should also be noted that it's not an uncommon practice to shorten the names of things that were originally given a longer name.

For example:

"The Town of Our Lady the Queen of Angels of the Little Portion" is a city we commonly refer to by just two letters: LA. (How would you fit all those words on a Lakers' uniform anyway?)

The full name of the movie abbreviated as "Marat/Sade" is actually "The Persecution and Assassination of Jean-Paul Marat as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade." (Try adding that title to your Netflix queue!)

And the full name of the online music store "I-Tunes" is actually "I Tunes Out the Rest of the World by Listening to Music 17 Hours a Day." (I-Pod All of My Music on One Device So I Can Listen Even When I'm Around Other People that I Could Talk to Instead.)

Originally, the "I" in words like I-Tunes, I-Pod, (and I-Spy?) was supposed to be an abbreviation for "internet." But, as the technology has expanded, it seems more appropriate to suggest that it now stands for "isolation."

The greatest problem with I-Tunes and I-Pods and all the other I-devices is that they all start with "I." And as a result, they're eliminating the "we" from much of our kids' family and social experiences.

When I was growing up, I loved to listen to music. But more often than not, it was together with my parents or siblings or friends. It revolved around an older, less sophisticated technology: "We-Tunes" - a boom box, a cassette tape, and a group of us to sing along.

Music was created as a form of worship to God. It's ironic then, that the very thing created as a means of worship has become one of the greatest obstacles to worship for many of the churched youth of today.

You see, for so many of them, entertainment has replaced their worship.

Studies show that typical adolescents spend a third or more of their time engaged in some form of mass media, either watching or listening directly or as a background activity. That means that nearly every minute they're awake in a given day (and not in school), they are being lulled by some form of entertainment. Whether sitting in front of the TV or having music playing while they do their homework, there is almost no point in the day when they are not being saturated with sound.

With the endless symphony of noise, when will they hear the "still, small voice" of God? When are they able to meditate and to "be still and know that [He] is God"?

Even Christian music, with its uplifting messages and positive themes, can still be a hindrance. A dependence on other peoples' music and lyrics can deprive believers of the opportunity to "sing a new song" and to worship God freely out of their own hearts of gratitude and praise.

Another subtle, but damaging way that music replaces worship, is its ability to meet our emotional needs.

A teen who has a difficult day comes home and, instead of talking with her parents or seeking God in prayer, she finds comfort and companionship in the stirring music and sympathetic lyrics of a song she downloads. Then, she listens to it over and over again. Instead of allowing the Holy Spirit to comfort her and heal her, she proves the old adage true: misery loves company. Young men will use rap music or rock music as an outlet for their anger when they are frustrated with friends or mad at their parents.

If you think I'm exaggerating the role of music in offering emotional support to youth, go to YouTube.com and read the comments posted on Carrie Underwood's music video "Before He Cheats" or Kelly Clarkson's "Because of You" for example. You'll see that young people have made music more than just a source of fun - it's become a source of strength, inspiration, guidance, and community. In the process, our kids are turning a deaf ear to God.

Man was first separated from God because he ate of the forbidden fruit.
Let's not let our kids be drawn away again because of some shiny new Apple.

Don't let them download their values for 99 cents on I-Tunes.

Help them get plugged in to that which really matters.

Talk Back: Do you have guidelines for when your child can listen to music? To what extent, if any, do you monitor their music content? Do you agree with the assumptions put forth here about the affect of music? What's you take on this topic? To post a comment (by name or anonymously), click on "comments" and follow the instructions.