Fear Factor: Snakes? Heights? Try Parenting!

When it comes to worrying about my kids, I think I’m a typical parent.

The kind of parent who watches scary movies in his mind.

Here’s one of my favorites: I arrive home and my three-year-old comes running down the driveway to greet me. I am suddenly confronted by this uninvited vision of him tripping and falling on his face. As I gasped aloud, he jumps up screaming to reveal a bloodied mouth and missing teeth.

Of course, this whole sequence happens in a split-second, causing my heart to skip a beat and sending a surge of adrenaline pumping through my veins.

With a quick shake of my head, I chase the nightmare away in time to lift my (uninjured) son into my arms with a big embrace and an even bigger sigh of relief.

Ever see that one? I’ve been told it’s a classic.

As parents who love our children so deeply and are charged by God with the responsibility to care for them, it’s certainly easy and understandable to be worried about their well-being. After all, I can think of few things worse for a parent than the burden of guilt if something were to ever happen.

How often, it seems, we see distraught families on television lamenting over the loss of a child and crying out, “If only I would have….”

This feeling, of course, is relatively new to me. For 25 years B.C. (Before Children), I was never really a fearful or worrisome person. I wasn’t one to fret over problems or to be particularly concerned about safety issues. Now, I hear every crying baby within a ten-block radius.

As the parent of two small boys, I can walk into a room and even the smallest potential hazard becomes illuminated as I survey the scene. It’s like I’ve evolved into some kind of psychic medium on a new television series, “The Parentalist.”

As I enter a room, I immediately begin to notice sharp corners on furniture, small objects within reach, electrical outlets exposed, fragile items, stairs, sliding glass doors, accessible scissors/knives/tools, hard surfaces, tripping hazards, hazardous chemicals, and creepy-looking strangers. And that’s just on the first pass. Give me a moment to walk around and the list is certain to grow.

We live in a society that inundates parents with haunting statistics and sensationalized news items. Every day, there’s a new viral strain or contaminated food supply. We read about the number of sexual predators in our area and listen to the latest Amber Alert over the airwaves. We receive e-mails about some colorful candy laced with hallucinogenic drugs aimed at reaching children. We are continually confronted by a dangerous world.

So our kids sit in car seats, wear bike helmets, carry cell phones with GPS, and constantly clean with antibacterial hand wipes. They stay by our sides at the mall and never leave the front yard at home. We teach them to say no to cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, poisons, peer pressure, and strangers. We teach them how to dial 911 and to stop, drop, and roll.

And yet, we still worry.

One of the great lessons I learned as I first became a parent is that, ultimately, I am not in control. I have a responsibility to be a good steward of the children God has given me, and to exercise proper judgment and discretion, but there are limits as to the extent that I can truly protect my children.

At some point, I have to entrust their safety to God.

If I don’t, I’ll never be able to let go.

I learned this from my first child. A child I won’t get to meet until our heavenly reunion.

After five years of marriage, my wife and I were finally ready to start our family. After a few months of trying, Hannah became pregnant. From the moment I saw the plus sign on the home pregnancy test, I was in love with our soon-to-be son or daughter. In the weeks that followed, we got to hear the heartbeat and see pictures of the baby’s early development. Even at that earliest of stages, I so loved that child that I would have laid down my life for him/her.

My wife and I did everything we knew to do to care for our child. Hannah took prenatal vitamins in the months leading up to the pregnancy and continuing afterwards. She was careful in her dietary choices. She exercised regularly, but not too rigorously.
She avoided stress and got plenty of rest. We obtained regular prenatal care from our obstetrician.

And every night, I laid hands on her stomach and I prayed over our child. Regardless of the specifics of each prayer, I always prophesied two things: life and protection. I declared the life of God over our child and I asked God to protect the mother and child throughout the pregnancy.

And, in spite of all of our best efforts and our diligent prayers, we lost our child in a miscarriage when he/she was just ten weeks old.

One afternoon, I’m excited as I listen to the heartbeat in the doctor’s office. Two nights later, I’m devastated as I hold our lifeless baby in the bathroom.

The night at the hospital and the days that followed were the most difficult of my adult life. It was such a crippling feeling, knowing there was nothing that I could do to save my baby. I would have done anything to change the events of that moment.

In the days that followed, we battled discouragement and guilt as we wrestled with the “what ifs” during the early days and weeks of our pregnancy.

Ultimately though, we had to reconcile our feelings with the reality of God’s Word. We live in a world riddled with sickness, disease, and every form of evil, ushered in at the Fall. As much as we want to protect our children, we live in a dangerous world, and no one is outside of its reach.

Before we could begin the process of trying for a baby again, I had to allow God to heal my heart. I did not want to allow fear to rob me of the joy of a second pregnancy.

I had determined that during each successive pregnancy and from birth until death, I would trust God with my children’s lives.

You see, only faith displaces fear. I have come to realize that God is more capable than I will ever be, so my faith is in Him alone.

That’s not a license I use to be foolish, but rather as liberty to know that all God requires of me is my best. After all, control is really just an illusion. I can’t guarantee the safety of my children, but I can entrust them into God’s hands for their protection.

If they leave this world before I do, I will weep only for my loss, not theirs.

If they leave this world first, they have a head start on eternity with their real Father.

If they leave this world before I’m ready, I will have even more reason to live in such a way as to join them at the end.

There’s already one waiting.

Waiting for our family reunion.

The Heart of the Matter

There are two dominant worldviews at play in our culture today. Political, economic, social, and moral debates all revolve around these two competing views of humanity.

The most prevalent view is that of humanism – the presumption that man is inherently good and that given the proper education, environment, and opportunity, man will always choose to do what is right. This is the philosophy evident in today’s mainstream culture. It is the driving force behind political agendas, economic programs, educational initiatives, and even parenting practices. Examine the platform of any left-leaning organization or candidate and you will find this fundamental tenet at the core of every issue.

Contrast this with the Biblical view of humanity – man was born with a sinful nature that is only corrected through the redemptive work of Jesus Christ. This view recognizes the existence of evil as a real force in the world. It also understands that man has been given a free will and that he exercises that liberty in the choices he makes between right and wrong. He bears full responsibility for his actions.

In practical terms, humanism says that a man becomes a thief because he was raised in a bad environment and wasn’t taught that stealing is wrong. He shouldn’t be punished; he just needs to be rehabilitated. The Bible teaches that a man is innately aware that stealing is wrong and chooses to do so anyway, and dictates that “out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man.” (Mark 7:21-23)

Humanism says that a woman is poor because the school system failed to properly educate her and now she can’t find a job. She shouldn’t be blamed for dropping out of school; she just needs to be given a free college education. The Bible teaches that the individual bears the responsibility for her failures and that success comes to those who are diligent and hardworking. It promises that “he who has a slack hand becomes poor, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.” (Proverbs 10:4)

Humanism says that children are good inside and that they only need encouragement, guidance, and a healthy self-esteem to be successful. They shouldn’t be allowed to suffer consequences; they just need to be reasoned with. The Bible teaches that children are rebellious and require discipline, and warns that “foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” (Proverbs 22:15)

Put simply, humanism suggests that people are changed from the outside-in. That is, by correcting the external, we can affect change internally. Bad people put in good situations will become good.

The Bible clearly illustrates that man is changed from the inside-out. It is only by a transformation of the heart that any significant change in behavior can be expected to follow. Bad people put in good situations will still remain bad.

The Bible rightly says that “evil company corrupts good habits.” But the inverse of this statement does not hold true - good company does not produce good habits. Humanists apply false logic in making this assumption.

Unfortunately, this humanistic worldview has spilled over into Christian families. Many parents professing Christianity have unwittingly adopted this unbiblical view in their parenting practices. Deep down, they believe that their children are “good kids” and that if they control their environment (friends), their education (schooling), and their opportunities (freedoms), that their children will do what is right. This notion is simply not true.

As an administrator of a Christian school, I receive numerous phone calls each year from parents who explain that their children are not performing well at their current school. Without exception, they almost always attribute the problems to “poor teachers” and “hanging out with the wrong crowd.” They are convinced that if they simply put their child in a different environment, that their child will no longer make the same poor choices. That is the deception of humanistic thinking – if a parent can change the outside, the inside will change also. Sadly, history has dictated a much different story.

To which worldview do you subscribe? The next time it is suggested that your child did something wrong, examine your reaction. Is your immediate response to attribute it to some outside influence such as his friends, his school, his music choices, or his internet use?

When we allow our attention to be on these outside sources, we fail to focus on what matters most. To borrow from the popular song title, the heart of the matter is a matter of the heart. That is why the Bible says to “keep your heart with all diligence, for out it spring the issues of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)

As parents, we must fight the tendency to analyze, rationalize, and otherwise attribute every misdeed by our children to something other than what the Bible says it is.

Sin is sin. By any other name, it’s a humanistic denial of the Truth.

It’s what’s on the inside that matters.
That’s what we’ve taught our children for generations.

Now it’s time for us to practice what we preach.

I Was Going to Write My Blog, But I Forgot…

If my writing jumps around a lot and it doesn’t always make sense, it’s because I have ADHD so I can’t stay focused. I’ve been locked in my office and I’m not allowed to come out until I’m finished writing all of my blog, but I don’t think that’s very fair, since no one even told me what I’m supposed to be writing about.

The whole reason I’m still not done is because this is the second time I’ve written this blog. I wrote the first draft last week. I put it in a folder in my briefcase, but the next day when I went to get it out, it was gone. It makes me really mad that someone went in to my briefcase and stole my blog that I had worked on for so long. Whoever it was must have taken the key for my briefcase out of my desk drawer and used it to get my paper when I was in the restroom, because I only left my briefcase sitting by itself for five minutes the whole day.

I don’t even know why I should bother writing this blog anyway. The people who read it don’t like me and they’re just going to write mean comments on it and give me a bad review. All of the other bloggers get higher ratings even though my blog is way better than what they write. That’s just because the readers like them more than they like me. It’s so unfair.

I’m not even going to get full credit for writing this. Supposedly the deadline was last Tuesday, but I must have gone to the bathroom when it was announced, because I know that I wasn’t made aware. If I had known, I would have turned it in on time. I was given a one-day extension to get it in, but I had a dentist appointment that day, so when I got back to work, no one reminded me to upload my blog, so I forgot to do it, even though I had it, so now it’s considered “late.” Isn’t that ridiculous?

I mean, what’s with all these dumb rules, anyway? How am I supposed to know when this is due and that’s due and how much time for this and that and the other? I’m trying my hardest, isn’t that enough? Nobody cares about me; all they care about is whether I get my blog done. How impersonal!

When I told my mom the real story about what happened with my blog, she marched right down to my workplace and demanded a meeting with my supervisor. She told him about how hard things are for me at home right now with a wife and two young kids to take care of and the slumping economy and the rising cost of food and gas. My mom is good at making other people understand my circumstances so that they aren’t so hard on me when I’m a little bit late posting my blogs.

It’s hard being a thirty-something these days. I’m pretty stressed out from worrying about America’s need for alternative energy sources and the financial bailout of Fannie Mae with taxpayer dollars. And there’s a lot of peer pressure to deal with too. People are constantly pushing Obama on me, so sometimes it's hard to do the right thing and support McCain/Palin. With all these worries and pressures, I just don’t have time to write the blog.

It’s 2:00 a.m. and I’m still trying to finish this thing. It’s supposed to be at least 500 words long, but that’s way too much to expect from an amateur blogger. I’m not a professional. It’s not like I’m even going to use any of this when I get older.

Supposedly it’s in my contract that I’m to write one blog every week, but I never saw that anywhere. I remember getting a bunch of papers at the beginning of the year, but I didn’t know I was supposed to read them all. Why didn’t someone tell me they were important?

I just looked through those papers and I found something about my blog assignments. Apparently, I have an assigned topic for each month. So now that I’ve wasted all this time writing all of this other stuff because no one told me what to do, I’m going to have to start all over again on the topic I'm assigned:

“Teaching Personal Responsibility” – a blog by Jim McKenzie

Excuses are so easy to make, aren’t they? I could list dozens of excuses I hear everyday from students...

Life is Good

You've probably seen these t-shirts or bumper stickers featuring a caricature of a guy lounging at the beach or sitting around the campfire with the motto "Life is Good" written playfully underneath.


I like these t-shirts. And I agree with the sentiment it personifies. Life is good. But it is not the circumstances of my life that lead me to this conclusion. It is the knowledge that life is good because God is good.









Life is good when we're enjoying a cold ice cream cone on a warm summer afternoon.











But is life still good when we suddenly lose that delicious moment?













Life is good when we're out enjoying fun on two wheels.













But is life still good when one of our toys gets broken?







Life is good when you have the company of Man's Best Friend.
















But is life still good when Fido rolls over but isn't playing dead?











Life is good when we're heading to the beach for a weekend trip.









But is life still good when that trip takes us in a different direction?








Life is good when we're running the race strong.









But is life still good when it trips us up or knocks us down?











Life is good when we're sitting by the fire with a friend.





But is life still good when we're going through the fire alone?










Life is good when we're blazing the trail with family and friends.










But is life still good when one of them walks away from us?

As parents, life is often overwhelming. We face the stresses of family, marriage, finances, and work life. Our kids get sick at the absolute worst times (like when we have an important meeting to attend that morning). We come home exhausted from a tough day at work only to have to hurry back out for the kids' soccer game across town. We run to the grocery store to pick up the things we need for dinner and are completely embarrassed by our screaming and crying kids who suddenly melt down at the checkout counter.

On the best of days and the worst of days, God's Word reminds us:

"On a good day, enjoy yourself,
On a bad day, examine your conscience.
God arranges for both kinds of days,
so that we won't take anything for granted."
---Ecclesiastes 7:14


Now, where can I get that Life is Good tee showing a mom awake with the crying baby at 3am...

Here We Are Now, Entertain Us

“With the lights out it’s less dangerous,
Here we are now, entertain us,
I feel stupid and contagious,
Here we are now, entertain us.”
--- Smells Like Teen Spirit (Nirvana, 1991)

I remember well when this song was first released in 1991. I was a senior in high school and this song quickly became the anthem of my graduating class. But more than that, I look back over the past fifteen years and I realize, with great sadness, that it has become the theme song for my generation and those coming behind.

Here we are now, entertain us.

We see and hear and experience this expectation in almost every context of life today. There is a premium placed upon “fun” and the responsibility for ensuring a “good time” falls squarely upon the shoulders of everyone but the individual.

Let’s look at a few examples within the context of a typical teen’s reality.

At school, we hear statements like “My math teacher is so boring.” The assumption, of course, is that the most important attribute of an educator is that they are fun. Their qualifications of experience, content mastery, and methodologies are rendered meaningless if they are unable to entertain the student. The ultimate goal of most students attending school is to have fun and to grow their social networks. The primary purpose of education is to promote learning. Sometimes the two can work hand-in-hand, but often times they are diametrically opposed. Learning is work and work is not always fun.

This type of immature logic is repeated in the context of family life (“I hate doing chores – they’re no fun”), employment (“I need a new job – this one is so boring!”), and church (“I hope church isn’t dull today or I’m going to fall asleep!”). Again, the supposition is that these things exist only to entertain, and that the individual bears no responsibility for what he gains from the experience. That task gets relegated to the parent, pastor, employer, and teacher.

We want a fun process to lead us to a fruitful reward. But the biblical model says that a fruitful process will lead to a fun reward. Psalms 128:2 reminds us that “when you eat the labor of your hands, you shall be happy, and it will be well with you.” The fun that we should seek is not in the process of what we do, but in the joy we find in the reward of our efforts.

The human tendency is to only do the things that we enjoy. We like the things that we value and we value the things that we like. But our dislike of something does not, and should not, diminish its value or importance.

Immaturity says, “I don’t like _____ so I’m not going to _____.”

I may say "I don’t like broccoli so I’m not going to eat it," but that does not diminish the nutritional value I would receive from a regular diet that includes broccoli.

Yet, we hear this statement frequently from children today. I don’t like my parents’ decision so I’m not going to obey. I don’t like writing essays so I’m not going to do my homework. I don’t like the school’s dress code, so I’m not going to tuck my shirt in unless I get caught. I don’t like reading the Bible so I’m not going to do it very often.

Statements like these, whether directly stated or just implied by our actions, demonstrate that we are driven by our desires for fun.

Are we raising our children to be governed by their feelings or by their faith?

Studies show that the average 21-year-old has watched 20,000 hours of television, played 10,000 hours of video games, and sent 250,000 e-mails and instant messages. While today’s generation of American youth are busy chasing the next thrill ride, there is another population halfway around the world that is working hard now to ensure a prosperous (and fun) life later. (For more on this topic, read Thomas Friedman's The World is Flat.)

I like having fun as much as the next person, but that can’t be the end-all goal.

We must teach our children to be mature enough to recognize that the greatest things in life will never be achieved chasing a good time. If they limit their pursuits and their efforts to the things that are fun, easy, and pleasant, they are guaranteed to live a life devoid of value, purpose, and significance.

Talk about boring.

Purposed in Heart

With the start of school coming up in a few weeks, most families are making the final preparations for their children to begin a new school year, whether at home or in a local school.

I’ve been pouring over the book of Daniel the last few weeks, and I want to share some interesting insights I’ve observed as it pertains to our children’s education.

We see in the beginning of chapter one that the king has ordered that “some of the children of Israel” be brought into the palace. Now, notice that it says some of the children, not all. Which children did the king want? We read in verse four that the master of the eunuchs was instructed to find “young men in whom there was no blemish, but good-looking, gifted in all wisdom, possessing knowledge and quick to understand, who had ability to serve in the king’s palace.”

The king wanted the best and brightest from among the children of God’s people, those identified as having the gifts and talents and ability to serve in his palace. The king’s intent was to “teach them the literature and language of the Chaldeans” that they would be well-educated in his ways, that they may serve his kingdom most effectively.

In biblical typology, the Chaldeans (being a part of Babylon) are a representation of the world’s systems. In other words, what we see is that the king’s goal was to provide the children of Israel with an education that would train them to operate in worldly systems and apply that learning to serve the king and his mission.

However, the king did not force these young men into servanthood. Instead, he enticed them. In verse five, it says that the king “appointed for them a daily provision of the king’s delicacies and of the wine which he drank, and three years of training for them, so that at the end of that time they might serve before the king.”

That same strategy is employed by the kings of this world even today. They entice our children with their delicacies, and, once they’ve tasted, they teach them “through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ.” (Col 2:8)

How many Christians teens have been lured away by sports, the arts, academic programs, social activities, and other interests to the public school system, and, in the process have submitted to “years of training that they might serve before the king.”

Enter Daniel. The Bible says that Daniel “purposed in his heart” that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king’s delicacies.

The chief of the Eunuchs was so concerned that Daniel’s health would deteriorate that he insisted that Daniel eat and drink the king’s delicacies. True today as well, the world simply cannot fathom why any young person would not want to enjoy all that it has to offer. It is convinced that its system is in the best interest of every individual and that it would be foolish and unhealthy to forsake our “portion of the king’s delicacies.”

So Daniel proposes a test.

“Please test your servants for ten days, and let them give us vegetables to eat and water to drink, then let our appearance be examined before you, and let the appearance of the young men who eat the portion of the king’s delicacies; and as you see fit, so deal with your servants.”

Now, this isn’t a debate about diet. Daniel’s request for vegetables and water wasn’t because he was a health nut, but because he sought to obey the strict Jewish dietary laws and not defile himself with the king’s food and drink.

This required an act of faith and a sincere trust in God. I have to believe that the food and wine that the king offered had to be really tempting, even to Daniel, especially in comparison to his basic meals of veggies and water. He also had to trust God that his obedience to only consume what God has commanded would provide him the sustenance he needed, especially when he would be compared to the other young men dining on the richest foods.

How often do we doubt the simple nourishments that God ordains for our kids, believing instead that our children will be intellectually malnourished and ill-prepared for life without a healthy dose of the world's latest recipe?

The results of Daniel's test? At the end of the ten days, Daniel’s features “appeared better and fatter in flesh than all the young men who ate the portion of the king’s delicacies.” And because Daniel honored God, He supernaturally gave him “knowledge and skill in all literature and wisdom; and Daniel had understanding in all visions and dreams.”

Now, don't miss this. The other young men (who were Jewish boys just like Daniel) didn't die for eating the king's meals. They survived, but they weren't the same. After just ten days, there was already a noticeable difference in their lives.

Christian kids can "make it" in the public school system, but they'll never be as spiritually fit. There will always be a difference. Had Daniel dined on the king's delicacies he would not have been the same young man. He would not have been prepared for the fiery furnace.

Is your child's education preparing him to go through the fire?

The world wants to limit the education of young people to its own systems of belief. But a Biblical education provides “knowledge and skill in all literature and wisdom.” The lie being sold to Christian families is that a “Christian education” is a limited education. In fact, the opposite is true. A secular education is the narrow-minded education. A true Biblical education encompasses all knowledge, because all knowledge is founded on God and His Word.

How great of an education can the world offer, when everything they teach is built on a lie?

Families who provide a Biblical education for their children, either in Christian school or at home, are refusing to allow their kids to defile themselves with the world’s delicacies. Home school and Christian schools may not offer the bells and whistles of the public school system, but that was never God’s mandate to His people.

We cannot allow the world to rob us of our more gifted students, to be trained by Babylon and promote a system that defies God. While the delicacies may seem tempting, and the alternative may seem bland at times, God’s promise to us is that He will supply all of our needs and that he will give us all knowledge and wisdom.

Like Daniel, all we must do is be purposed in our hearts.

Kids Who Make It

As I write this, I am sitting in Maypen, Jamaica, in the middle of a seven-day missions trip with The Rock of Gainesville. The trip includes about 36 high school students and 8 adults, and it has reminded me again that - despite all the negative I see - hope is not lost for this generation.

Spending this time, here, with this group of kids, I am convinced that it is still possible to raise children who make it. To raise our kids to love God and serve Him above themselves.

They wil never be the majority. They will never quite "fit in." But they can fulfill the purposes of God for their generations in spite of the cultural battle against Christianity.

I am surrounded this week by a remnant of those who stand for something greater than themselves. I have witnessed selfless giving, serving, and love. I have seen young people faced with the worst, choose to make the best. I have been so proud of them for all that they have become.

They worship God in a strange land. They pray for people and a nation they do not know. They've given their time, their talents, and their finances to come and sow into a country and a church because they want to be a part of something bigger than themselves.

Are they perfect? No. Who among us can make that claim? They face the same issues as any other teen. But unlike the world around them, they understand that there is a higher calling than the self-indulgence that culture offers them.

As I've watched and listened and interacted with them over the past few weeks, there are so many that I could point to and say "If my children grow up to be like him or her, I would be a very proud father."

These young people are proving that it's not impossible. Even though it may be harder to be a righteous teen today than it was for most of us, it can still be done.

To the parents of these 30+ young people, I say "thank you." Thank you for your years of diligence and commitment to raise your children to honor God. It is an encouragement to those who come behind you. That we can do it. That we can still raise Godly children in an increasingly anti-Christian culture. The future is bright indeed.

Family-Friendly Products for a Safe Home

I wanted to share with you some products that I think are invaluable to parents in helping to monitor the content that comes into our homes and to help control the amount of media children consume (see last month's blog on creating a media diet). I've also listed a new product that will help you monitor your teen's (or spouse's!) driving habits without being in the car with them.

Here's a great item I purchased for my family back at Christmas. It's called ClearPlay and it is a fancy DVD Player that can play regular DVD movies -- but without profanity, violence and nudity. How does that work? It's really quite ingenious. The company has created filtering information on a movie-by-movie basis, and then put those "filters" into the DVD player. This way, the DVD player knows when to skip or mute while the movie is playing.

But isn’t it choppy? Nope. That’s the great thing about the ClearPlay service. They take great care to maintain the presentation quality of the movie– the only thing gone is “that one scene” you wish your kids never saw. Priced at just $79.99 (I bought my on sale at Target for $40), it's an affordable way to watch a movie together as a family. For more information, visit their website at http://www.clearplay.com/.

Want to control what your kids are exposed to on the internet? I highly recommend NetNanny by ContentWatch. An incredibly powerful tool for parents. It's such a great product, we've purchase a site license and have added it to every computer at The Rock School this summer. NetNanny allows you to create a login for each person in the family and set restrictions for each one separately. You can limit the amount of time the child can spend on the computer each day (a countdown appears in the corner while the users are logged on and automatically logs them off when time expires.) You can use it to block websites based on content, ratings, ads, category, etc. You can set it to send you an e-mail each time a user tries to access a blocked site so that you can see what your child is doing online. You can use it to block e-mails, chat rooms, and instant messaging or have it record a transcript of the conversations for you to see later. Priced at $39.99 with free updates and technical support, it's a must-have for every family. For more information, visit http://www.netnanny.com/.

Looking for a way to monitor the amount of TV your child watches? Especially this summer while you're at work and they are home? Family Safe Media offers several different products that all provide the same basic service. You can plug a TV or video gaming device into any one of the products and it controls the power. The devices allow you to set the time limits on a daily or weekly basis. TV Timer Bob uses a 4-digit PIN code (you can give each child a different code), Time Scout uses a "credit card" that a parent can load with a pre-determined number of minutes (the child swipes their card to turn the TV on and the timer starts). The Time Machine uses tokens to control the TV usage. (You can reward your kids with tokens that will provide 30 minutes of television usage per token.) The device works with video games as well. Your TV or gaming machine is plugged into the device and locked with a key so even clever kids can't bypass the system. Prices vary, but the products range from $70 - $90. For information on these products, visit http://www.familysafemedia.com/.

Finally, do you have a teenage driver? Wonder how safe they drive when you're not looking? The CarChip Pro is like a black box for your car. About the size of a keyfob, it allows you to plug it in to your car and track data for up to 300 hours of drive time. It helps you know how you car is being driven, and track the speeds, hard stops, and overall vehicle performance.
It also allows you to set audible alarms that can act as 'reminders' for excessive events (like driving too fast!) Whenever you want to follow-up, you simply remove the chip, plug it into your computer, and it downloads all of the data and provides it for you in an easy-to-understand format that includes graphs, charts, and timelines. It will also calculate your gas mileage and perform diagnostic checks on your vehicle. The CarChip Pro sells for $99 and is available at http://www.familysafemedia.com/.


Talk Back: Have you tried any of these products? Do you know of other great products that you want to share with other parents? If so, tell us about it. Click "comments" and post a reply.

Leaders, Not Lemmings

There is a great commercial out by FedEx that I think is absolutely hilarious. A company leader is giving a seminar to his employees.

Here’s the script (or watch it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRUK9cHFJ5s).

Trainer (holding a lemming in his hands): “Does everyone know what this is?”

Team Members (uncertain): “No.”

Trainer: “Well, it’s a lemming. From now on, we’re not going to be lemmings, we’re going to be leaders.”

Trainer (sees FedEx delivery guy enter): “Here’s a good example. We switched to FedEx Ground which has the fastest service to the most businesses in the US.”

Trainer (calling on individuals): So, Jim, what are we?

Jim: Leaders.

Trainer: Yes! Nancy, what are we?

Nancy (proudly): Leaders!

Trainer (he is bitten by the lemming and drops it to the floor): Yeah.… Oww…

[The lemming rushes off and the entire group immediately falls to the floor and frantically scurries after it on all fours.]

Delivery Guy (reassuredly): It’s a process.


As I watch that commercial, I can’t help but laugh and think – that’s pretty much the plight of every parent. Because when it comes right down to it, there are only two kinds of kids that we can raise – leaders or lemmings. Those who will chart the course and those who will follow.

American culture offers our children many lemmings to choose from. But unlike the furry little rodent in the commercial, today’s culture has cleverly disguised them in the many worldviews on parade in our generation. The trap is more deceptive, the temptation to follow is more alluring.

Jesus said to “enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.” (Matthew 7:13-14)

Our children will never enter by the narrow gate if they follow the lemmings of their generation down the wide road.

As I watch the commercial unfold, I see a well-intentioned company trainer. But he makes the same two mistakes that we can make as parents:

1. Instruction in what not to be isn’t enough. ("We're not going to be lemmings") Telling a man how not to build a house isn’t going to help him get it done. He needs blueprints, instructions, and a plan. While there are times when what not to do is sufficient ("Don’t touch – it’s hot"), generally, more will be needed, particularly as kids grow older. In Do Hard Things, Alex & Brett Harris challenge teens to be known for what they do, not for what they don’t do. That should be our emphasis too.

2. There is a big difference between “telling” and “teaching.” ("We're going to be leaders") As a first-year teacher in fifth grade many years ago, I made the common mistake of telling my students about the classroom procedures (sharpening pencils, turning in assignments, etc.). I was greatly frustrated at how unsuccessful the students were at following these procedures. The second year, I spent the first six weeks of school teaching the procedures to the students. The result? A well-run, orderly classroom for the remainder of the year.

As parents, there is wisdom in our words. No doubt. But telling our kids to use good manners doesn’t teach them how to act in a restaurant (something I must keep reminding myself of when I’m out with my kids!) Telling our teens to dress modestly doesn’t teach them what that looks like. And telling them to be a leader doesn’t teach them how to become one.

The root of the word discipline is disciple, which means “follower.” When we discipline our children we are seeking to make them followers – followers of us, followers of The Way.

It's quite a paradox, isn't it? In order to keep them from becoming followers, we must teach them to be leaders; to teach them to be leaders, we must develop them into followers.

The process of disciplining our children is different than punishment. Punishment, alone, does not create a disciple. If it did, our prisons would not be filled with repeat offenders.

Discipline is the process of teaching the expected behavior, allowing time for the behavior to be learned and mastered, and then introducing a consequence as needed to reinforce the expected behavior (i.e. punishment).

Like the commercial, we may watch our kids nod enthusiastically and parrot back the right answer, only to watch them fall back in with the crowd again.

But as we strive to create leaders and disciples, let us not grow weary in our efforts to discipline. The cultural battle is strong and at times our kids may seem caught in a spiritual tug-of-war. But the Bible offers us this promise: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

Or, as the wise FedEx delivery guy would remind us, “It’s a process.”


Talk Back: What are the challenges that you face in disciplining your children? How have you dealt with these challenges? Do you feel the pull of the crowd is a real issue among kids today? If so, how can parents combat these forces?

A Lasting Legacy: A Father's Day Tribute

With Father's Day coming up this Sunday, I wanted to share with readers about my childhood hero and his lasting legacy.


My grandpa’s death two years ago marked the passing of a generation. A generation of men who are rare in today’s world. Some would say they are just old; others might label them old-fashioned. To me, they are a time capsule carrying values and principles from a previous generation that are sorely needed in these our modern times. I am so grateful that he was a part of my life and I am saddened for all of those who never had the opportunity to know him.

When our family moved to be closer to my grandparents, I was in the third grade.

It was, in the modern sense of the term, my rite of passage; the beginning of my transformation from boy to man. You see, growing up, it was my grandpa, in large part, who helped shape my understanding of what it meant to be a man. Not in the false, selfish, mythical way I saw it defined in pro sports and Hollywood productions, but real manhood as God intended when we were created in His image.

I was an adventurous child, but also timid. My grandpa taught me to face my fears in order to conquer them. I had the ability to learn, but I was short-tempered. My grandpa taught me not to be a quitter. I was wild at heart; my grandpa taught me social graces. I learned to address my elders with ma’am and sir; to put on a shirt before coming to the dinner table; and to clean up after myself instead of leaving a trail of evidence wherever I went.

I learned that a real man is not the puffed-up, muscle-flexing images I saw in magazines and idolized on wrestling shows.

My grandpa – he was a real man. He was a gentle giant. Those two simple words – a paradox, perhaps - gentle giant – capsulate my grandpa’s life for me better than any other words I can imagine.

Those who knew my grandpa know why I use this word gentle. He was well-spoken, kind-hearted; a true gentlemen.


And yet, he was a giant. He was rugged, courageous, bold, and adventurous. The guest bedroom where I stayed in their home was adorned with models of fighter jets, helmets, military awards, and photos of his 20+ years as a pilot in the US Air Force. He taught me how to fish and to drive a boat. We raised and butchered rabbits and hung the skins out to dry. I learned how to work on a car and to operate farm equipment. As a growing boy, what more could I want?

And yet, he was a giant in other ways as well. He was a great man of faith; a pillar of the church and the community. He was the backbone of his family; a source of strength in times of adversity. He was a shelter from the storm for those who sought his counsel or his friendship.

To speak of my grandfather this way, one might suggest that I think he was perfect. No, he was not. Only one perfect man has ever walked the face of this earth. But because my grandpa so patterned his life after that perfect man, Jesus, I like to think that perhaps he was a close second.

Paul wrote in Second Corinthians that we are called to be “living epistles.” That for each of us, our lives are written like a letter, a book, a record of history – penned by the actions of our lives for the world to read.

The volume that is my grandpa’s life is complete. The last chapter has been written; the words recorded on the final pages. Though his body has returned to the earth from which it came, and his spirit has ascended into heaven for which it was made, the life and memory of my grandpa lives on.


It is written on the hearts of those he touched.

You see, we are all a living epistle – each with blank pages awaiting the stories of our lives to be written. For those who knew my grandpa, for those who share memories as I do, there is a part of him scripted in their life’s letter.

A man establishes his reputation by the words that he writes in his own book.
But a man leaves a legacy by the words that he writes in the lives of others.

My grandpa understood this better than most. His memory will live on through the life lessons, the affirming words, the acts of service that he shared with so many. His signature can be found at the bottom of many pages of many lives. I am grateful that he was a main character in my life’s work.

And I will keep my grandpa’s legacy alive as I copy the stories from my life into my sons’, writing them with the same love and passion by which grandpa recorded them in me. His life will be forever archived as his legacy is passed on to each new generation.

My grandpa was many things, but at heart, he was a teacher - a profession, in fact, that he pursued with great success in the latter part of his life. I believe that even in his passing, my grandpa had one final lesson that we were to learn from him. And that is this: to die in peace, but more importantly, to live in peace, is to pattern your life to love God and love your family, and to be committed to serving both.

His life complete; his letter written; the pages filled; his legacy crafted - my grandfather left his mark.

And as I reflect on his memory, I will always hear the whisper of that gentle giant asking, “What will your mark be?”


Talk Back: As I reflect on my grandpa's life, it inspires me to be a better father. Is there a father or father-figure that has impacted your life in a special way?

Mistaken I-dentity

Most people don't know this, but the full name of the "Statue of Liberty" is actually "The Statue of Liberty Enlightening the World." It was abbreviated over time, most likely because it was a little lengthy to fit into a normal conversation. (New Yorkers tend to be short on words. See: I "heart" NY tees as example)

While it makes for an interesting trivia question, it should also be noted that it's not an uncommon practice to shorten the names of things that were originally given a longer name.

For example:

"The Town of Our Lady the Queen of Angels of the Little Portion" is a city we commonly refer to by just two letters: LA. (How would you fit all those words on a Lakers' uniform anyway?)

The full name of the movie abbreviated as "Marat/Sade" is actually "The Persecution and Assassination of Jean-Paul Marat as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade." (Try adding that title to your Netflix queue!)

And the full name of the online music store "I-Tunes" is actually "I Tunes Out the Rest of the World by Listening to Music 17 Hours a Day." (I-Pod All of My Music on One Device So I Can Listen Even When I'm Around Other People that I Could Talk to Instead.)

Originally, the "I" in words like I-Tunes, I-Pod, (and I-Spy?) was supposed to be an abbreviation for "internet." But, as the technology has expanded, it seems more appropriate to suggest that it now stands for "isolation."

The greatest problem with I-Tunes and I-Pods and all the other I-devices is that they all start with "I." And as a result, they're eliminating the "we" from much of our kids' family and social experiences.

When I was growing up, I loved to listen to music. But more often than not, it was together with my parents or siblings or friends. It revolved around an older, less sophisticated technology: "We-Tunes" - a boom box, a cassette tape, and a group of us to sing along.

Music was created as a form of worship to God. It's ironic then, that the very thing created as a means of worship has become one of the greatest obstacles to worship for many of the churched youth of today.

You see, for so many of them, entertainment has replaced their worship.

Studies show that typical adolescents spend a third or more of their time engaged in some form of mass media, either watching or listening directly or as a background activity. That means that nearly every minute they're awake in a given day (and not in school), they are being lulled by some form of entertainment. Whether sitting in front of the TV or having music playing while they do their homework, there is almost no point in the day when they are not being saturated with sound.

With the endless symphony of noise, when will they hear the "still, small voice" of God? When are they able to meditate and to "be still and know that [He] is God"?

Even Christian music, with its uplifting messages and positive themes, can still be a hindrance. A dependence on other peoples' music and lyrics can deprive believers of the opportunity to "sing a new song" and to worship God freely out of their own hearts of gratitude and praise.

Another subtle, but damaging way that music replaces worship, is its ability to meet our emotional needs.

A teen who has a difficult day comes home and, instead of talking with her parents or seeking God in prayer, she finds comfort and companionship in the stirring music and sympathetic lyrics of a song she downloads. Then, she listens to it over and over again. Instead of allowing the Holy Spirit to comfort her and heal her, she proves the old adage true: misery loves company. Young men will use rap music or rock music as an outlet for their anger when they are frustrated with friends or mad at their parents.

If you think I'm exaggerating the role of music in offering emotional support to youth, go to YouTube.com and read the comments posted on Carrie Underwood's music video "Before He Cheats" or Kelly Clarkson's "Because of You" for example. You'll see that young people have made music more than just a source of fun - it's become a source of strength, inspiration, guidance, and community. In the process, our kids are turning a deaf ear to God.

Man was first separated from God because he ate of the forbidden fruit.
Let's not let our kids be drawn away again because of some shiny new Apple.

Don't let them download their values for 99 cents on I-Tunes.

Help them get plugged in to that which really matters.

Talk Back: Do you have guidelines for when your child can listen to music? To what extent, if any, do you monitor their music content? Do you agree with the assumptions put forth here about the affect of music? What's you take on this topic? To post a comment (by name or anonymously), click on "comments" and follow the instructions.

Your Child Needs to Be on a Diet. Really.

There is growing concern about the quality and quantity being consumed by the newest generations of children and teens today. The diet of our kids is a far cry from that which most of us enjoyed just twenty years ago. It was nutritious and safe and didn't require us to read the fine print to see what it contained. There were secret recipes, but no hidden ingredients.

Kids today are consuming larger and larger quantities and have taken gluttony to a whole new level. And more and more of their intake is filled with artificial flavors, colors, and preservatives that gives it plenty of taste but zero substance. As a result, we're producing kids who are malnourished, lethargic, and unfit. They need to go a diet. Now.

But, if you think the epidemic I'm describing is about childhood obesity, you'd be fair in believing so, but also incorrect. Sadly, I'm acutally describing the growing consumption of media and entertainment by today's children and teens.

While there is cause to be concerned about the choices we make for our children's nutritional health, there should be greater concern about their media consumption and its impact on their mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

As we enter the summer months, it is all-too-easy as parents to allow our children to dine on an all-you-can-eat buffet of television, movies, video games, I-Tunes, and internet use. Inundated with cries of "I'm bored" from our kids, we finally give in and allow them to sit and vegetate in front of the tube for hours on end. Or sometimes we simply need a break, and the DVD player becomes a quick, easy babysitter so we can get our work done in peace and quiet. We feel silly asking our teens to "hang out" with the rest of the family at home, so we allow them to lock themselves away in their rooms and sit mindlessly listening to their I-Pods and texting their friends with their cell phones. Since it is summer vacation, we feel guilty denying our kids the opportunity to go see another movie with their friends or watch a video at someone's home, so we give in. ("But Mom, it's only PG-13!")

The statistics are alarming, yet they are clear. Study after study has proven that the more media a child comsumes (TV, internet, etc) the less likely they are to succeed in school and the more likely they are to suffer from ADD/ADHD. With every hour of television viewed daily by children (all ages), there is a significant decline in reading and math scores and a growing unlikelihood that they will ever earn a college degree.

Perhaps, even more disconcerting than the quantity consumed is the quality of what is being digested. When it comes to our children and their appetite for media, the old adage holds true: You are what you eat. The hallways of our schools demonstrate daily for us what devastating impact media is having on today's generation. Sexual awareness, disrespectful conduct, a lack of honor for authority figures, bullying, lewd jokes, a sense of entitlement, self-centeredness, apathy and hedonism are all growing problems that teachers and schools must now try to address. Yet, most parents are not instilling these immoralities in their kids. So who are they learning them from?

The answer is obvious when you sit and flip through the channels. Even "harmless" programming like the Disney channel and Nickelodeon promote shows that teach children how to act grown-up; teach them how to be sarcastic and apathetic and dismissive of adults; encourage them to follow their hearts and be pleasure-seekers; entice them to pursue romantic relationships; and show them the "rewards" of disregarding their parents' commands.

Hannah Montana is not a role model (regardless of the professed faith of actress Miley Cyrus). It is a program that encourages young children to idolize a celebrity, preparing them to be mindless followers of Britney and Paris and the next pop icon as they grow older. High School Musical (in my opinion) does not qualify as good wholesome entertainment. Evening sitcoms, cable programming, and unsupervised internet use expose our children to smut and open a door to areas they should not be exploring.

We wonder why our young people struggle with Christianity. Why they seem so indifferent about their faith. Why they've never experienced that real breakthrough. Why 86% of them continue to walk away from the church after high school.

Yet, we allow them to feed on garbage six days a week and then somehow think that a mid-week vitamin and a trip to the salad bar on Sundays will solve their spiritual malnutrition.

They need a balanced diet; one rich in worship, prayer, and the Word, with large helpings of Godly fellowship, family togetherness, and self-reflection. Entertainment cannot become the main course; instead, it must be a dessert to enjoy after they've eaten all their dinner.

You may even find that after a steady diet of nutritious meals, they won't have much room left for dessert anyway.

Over the next few weeks, I'm going to disuss further the specific ways that entertainment is robbing our kids of their well-being. I'm also going to share with you some specific ideas and resources that can help you monitor your child's media consumption.

But don't wait... come up with a plan and get your kids on a media diet. They may be reluctant at first, perhaps even angry. After all, nobody really likes to be on a diet, do they? But we sure do appreciate the results of an effective one. With a little effort, and a strong conviction, your media plan will help ensure that you are raising healthy kids. And that's what really matters.

Talk Back: What suggestions do you have for monitoring your child's media use? Do you have a summer plan in place that you could share with others? Do you use any specific resources, products, or devices to help control what your children see? Do you agree/disagree with the statements made here about the appropriateness of some "programming for children"? To post a comment (either by name or anonymously), click on "comments" and follow the instructions.

Redefining Success

I’d like to share for a few minutes about “Redefining Success.”

You see as parents, if we’re not careful, we can formulate a measure of success for our kids that is not based on the Word of God.

In Romans 12, Paul writes “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” If we are to be a set-apart generation of parents who will raise a set-apart generation of children, it will not be just a matter of the heart. If we do not renew our minds, or as we used to say in children’s church, change our “stinkin’ thinkin’”, we will unknowingly find ourselves conforming to this world.

One of the areas where I believe we must transform our thinking is in how we define success.

You see, the world defines success vertically, that is, it goes from the bottom to the top. Think about the language we use to describe success: climbing the corporate ladder, moving up, reaching new heights, upward mobility, at the top of his game, working her way up.

As parents, we can easily embrace this model of success. We want our kids to play up (if they’re nine we want them playing with eleven-year-olds.) We want our kids to test up into a higher reading group or be placed up in an advanced class. If other kids read at age 5, we want our kids reading by age four. In essence, we want our kids to be the best athletes, dancers, or musicians; we want them to make straight A’s on their report card and 100’s on their tests. We want them to be well-mannered and not get in trouble in school so as not to cause us any embarrassment. And if they do all that, graduate with honors, go to college, earn a degree, and get a job, then we can breathe a sigh of relief and feel good about being the proud parents of a successful young man or woman. Our kids’ teachers applaud us, our community commends us, and our families congratulate us.

But what does God think?

You see, I believe that the Biblical view of success is a very different model. Whereas the world defines success vertically, I believe the kingdom model of success is defined laterally. That is, it goes from start to finish. Listen to the language found in God’s Word: “walking out our salvation,” “to Him who overcomes,” “running the race,” “fight the good fight,” “narrow is the path that leads to life.” These expressions suggest that the crowning achievement in life is not how high we climb, but rather how far we’ll walk. It’s not about reaching the top, it’s about reaching the finish.

Jesus provides a clear picture of Kingdom success. His crowning achievement was not when he turned water into wine or when he taught the multitudes on the hillside or helped the disciples catch a net full of fish. It was not when he read from the scroll in the temple or when he healed the soldier’s ear cut off by Peter in the garden or when he raised Lazarus from the dead. Yet think about it in today’s world… water into wine… that’d make you quite a success story in corporate America. Teaching the multitudes would earn you commendations as a teacher and motivator. Giving sight to the blind… that’s better than laser eye surgery. And repairing the soldier’s ear without tools… that’s the kind of plastic surgery Dr. Rey can only dream about.

Here’s Jesus, the son of a carpenter from Nazareth. What good comes out of Nazareth? It has all the makings of the world’s first rags-to-riches story.

My point is that Jesus did some amazing things.

And yet, we know this is not what made his life a success. His real crowning achievement were the thorns upon his brow and the nails in his hand. His moment of success recorded in just three simple words: “It is finished.” That was the pinnacle of his success. That was his crowning moment. That was what he spent his whole life preparing for. To reach the end and declare, “It is finished.”

It’s interesting to me that at the times when Jesus was performing all of those incredible acts… healing the sick, feeding the multitudes, walking on water… his followers must have thought he was the picture of absolute success. Yet, at the crucifixion, only one was there to see him in his final moments. At the pinnacle of his greatest triumph, they all had scattered. As Jesus hung on the cross and declared his success, his disciples abandoned him, condemning him a failure.

As parents, our greatest responsibility in raising successful children is to redefine that success according to a kingdom standard. Providing them with a good education, getting them on the right sports teams or the best dance studio, shuffling them around from event to event so they can become “well-rounded…” that should never be our priority.

My oldest son is only 2 ½ years old. But I have already determined that I do not care if he ever makes the Honor Roll in school or if he ever plays on a soccer team or learns to play the piano. My number one priority is that he learns to love God with his heart, soul, mind, & strength, and that I prepare him to walk out his salvation so that in the end he is standing at the finish line.

Does this mean that I don’t care about his future or want him to pursue excellence? Or that I don’t plan for him to go to college or want him to get a good job? No, of course not. But, I know that if I teach my son to pursue kingdom success and not worldly success, then all these other things that he has need of will be added unto him. God will bless his hands and his labor and expand his territory.

Why do I share all of this with you? Because while we, as Christian parents, are raising our kids and judging our success by the world’s standard, the kingdom is being robbed. While we commend ourselves and applaud one another for a job well done, the enemy is taking hold. As Christian parents, we’re so proud of our kids’ successes, yet studies show that 86% of Christian kids abandon their faith after graduating from high school. If we’re not careful, we’ll make the same mistake of Jesus’ disciples… we’ll focus on the achievements and miss the moment that matters most.

I believe all Christian parents are well-meaning and want their children to follow God all the days of their life. So what happens… the research studies suggest that our actions are simply not lining up with our priorities.

What would happen if we celebrated our kids when they pray and worship and study the Word the way we applaud them when they score a goal, perform at a recital, or make a hundred on a test.

The Word says we reap what we sow. So the question becomes, are we making the same investment in our kids spiritual development as we are in all the other important areas of their life.

I’ve come to this simple conclusion. If I want my sons to be radically different, set apart kids, then I am going to have to be a radically different, set apart parent.

If my children never achieve success by the world’s success, it will not matter.
Though others may condemn them a failure, it will not disappoint.

It’s not reaching the top, but reaching the finish.
It’s not crying out “I have done it,” but only “It is finished.”

The only “attaboy” that will ever really matter – “Well done, my son. Enter in.”

A Word to the Wise: Teaching Children to Value Wisdom

Then God said to Solomon: “Because this was in your heart, and you have not asked riches or wealth or honor or the life of your enemies, nor have you asked long life – but have asked wisdom and knowledge for yourself, that you may judge My people over whom I have made you king - wisdom and knowledge are granted to you; and I will give you riches and wealth and honor, such as none of the kings have had who were before you, nor shall any after you have the like.” --- 2 Chronicles 1:11-12

As I read this first chapter of the second book of Chronicles, I find myself imagining this somewhat outlandish proposition: God is standing before me with His arms outstretched and His hands closed in a fist. Then He slowly unfolds the fingers of His right hand to reveal a hand full of His wisdom. I look at it for a moment, excited at the invitation it suggests. Before I can reach for it, I see His left hand is also opened. In His palm is a small scrap of paper. As I look more closely at it, I soon recognize the pink edges and computer print. It is unmistakably a lottery ticket. I know immediately that it has the combination of winning numbers for tonight’s drawing. Overwhelmed even more by this offering, I am eager to grab the ticket. Before I can even extend my arm, both hands close tightly. “Choose one,” He says. Which hand should I choose? Fame and Fortune? Knowledge and Wisdom? Because this is a hypothetical situation, and I am supposed to be a mature Christian, the answer appears obvious. I’m supposed to choose wisdom. Any fool would know that. But do I? Do I choose to pursue wisdom when faced with other more tantalizing endeavors?

More than anything else, Solomon desired wisdom and knowledge. And he paid a price to attain it. He passed over an easy opportunity to acquire wealth or riches or honor or the defeat of his enemies. He didn’t ask for health or long life. He said simply, “Now give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may go out and come in before this people; for who can judge this great people of Yours?” Solomon recognized that to be a person of influence would require wisdom more than fame or fortune. Are we mature enough to recognize the greater value of wisdom? Or do we instead settle for instant gratification? The wise man will quickly grab wisdom from the hand of God, knowing that, from Solomon’s example, blessing and prosperity will soon manifest itself as the fruit of this wisdom. A wise man recognizes that you don’t have to choose between the two. Choose from the right hand and you can still have both. A winning lottery ticket? Millions of dollars? Probably not. But can you really put a price tag on a life of peace? Wisdom allows you to have your cake and eat it too.
Education, once considered the foundation of a strong nation, has taken a backseat as spoiled Americans go joyriding down the streets of prosperity. The rags-to-riches success stories on Wall Street, the latest professional athlete signing a multi-million dollar contract, and the next group of teenaged boys thrust into Hollywood stardom, all continue to plant false seeds of aspirations into our children. While some in our society have arrived at success through the widely acclaimed shortcut of good fortune, the greater truth, the unpublicized truth, is that “He who has a slack hand becomes poor, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.” In a world where the cause and effect relationship between wisdom and success has been distorted, it is imperative that we not lose sight of what is really important. We must diligently motivate our children towards wisdom. There are no shortcuts to success. There is no instant recipe for prosperity. Students who turn their nose up at authority, and their thumbs down at education, turn their backs on wisdom and knowledge. Does wisdom only come through schools and textbooks? Certainly not. But undoubtedly, schooling is a time of training and developing, raising up our children to know diligence, discipline, and purpose. If we allow our children to aimlessly wander through the hallways of our schools and the teen years of their lives, when will they acquire the appetite for wisdom? After they’ve feasted on foolishness and swallowed the consequences of poor decisions? After they’ve tasted the bitterness of undisciplined living?

While the world offers our children fistfuls of materialism, wrapped with instant fame, credit limits, get-rich-quick schemes, and promises of unearned high paying jobs, God quietly waits with his right hand of wisdom extended to them. “If anyone lacks wisdom,” James wrote, “Let him ask it of God who gives to all liberally and without reproach and it will be given him.” We must continue to remind our children of the source of wisdom and its importance in their lives, lest they be destined to don the proverbial dunce cap and sit shamefully in the corner of complacency. All because we let them reach for the wrong hand.