Your Child Needs to Be on a Diet. Really.

There is growing concern about the quality and quantity being consumed by the newest generations of children and teens today. The diet of our kids is a far cry from that which most of us enjoyed just twenty years ago. It was nutritious and safe and didn't require us to read the fine print to see what it contained. There were secret recipes, but no hidden ingredients.

Kids today are consuming larger and larger quantities and have taken gluttony to a whole new level. And more and more of their intake is filled with artificial flavors, colors, and preservatives that gives it plenty of taste but zero substance. As a result, we're producing kids who are malnourished, lethargic, and unfit. They need to go a diet. Now.

But, if you think the epidemic I'm describing is about childhood obesity, you'd be fair in believing so, but also incorrect. Sadly, I'm acutally describing the growing consumption of media and entertainment by today's children and teens.

While there is cause to be concerned about the choices we make for our children's nutritional health, there should be greater concern about their media consumption and its impact on their mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

As we enter the summer months, it is all-too-easy as parents to allow our children to dine on an all-you-can-eat buffet of television, movies, video games, I-Tunes, and internet use. Inundated with cries of "I'm bored" from our kids, we finally give in and allow them to sit and vegetate in front of the tube for hours on end. Or sometimes we simply need a break, and the DVD player becomes a quick, easy babysitter so we can get our work done in peace and quiet. We feel silly asking our teens to "hang out" with the rest of the family at home, so we allow them to lock themselves away in their rooms and sit mindlessly listening to their I-Pods and texting their friends with their cell phones. Since it is summer vacation, we feel guilty denying our kids the opportunity to go see another movie with their friends or watch a video at someone's home, so we give in. ("But Mom, it's only PG-13!")

The statistics are alarming, yet they are clear. Study after study has proven that the more media a child comsumes (TV, internet, etc) the less likely they are to succeed in school and the more likely they are to suffer from ADD/ADHD. With every hour of television viewed daily by children (all ages), there is a significant decline in reading and math scores and a growing unlikelihood that they will ever earn a college degree.

Perhaps, even more disconcerting than the quantity consumed is the quality of what is being digested. When it comes to our children and their appetite for media, the old adage holds true: You are what you eat. The hallways of our schools demonstrate daily for us what devastating impact media is having on today's generation. Sexual awareness, disrespectful conduct, a lack of honor for authority figures, bullying, lewd jokes, a sense of entitlement, self-centeredness, apathy and hedonism are all growing problems that teachers and schools must now try to address. Yet, most parents are not instilling these immoralities in their kids. So who are they learning them from?

The answer is obvious when you sit and flip through the channels. Even "harmless" programming like the Disney channel and Nickelodeon promote shows that teach children how to act grown-up; teach them how to be sarcastic and apathetic and dismissive of adults; encourage them to follow their hearts and be pleasure-seekers; entice them to pursue romantic relationships; and show them the "rewards" of disregarding their parents' commands.

Hannah Montana is not a role model (regardless of the professed faith of actress Miley Cyrus). It is a program that encourages young children to idolize a celebrity, preparing them to be mindless followers of Britney and Paris and the next pop icon as they grow older. High School Musical (in my opinion) does not qualify as good wholesome entertainment. Evening sitcoms, cable programming, and unsupervised internet use expose our children to smut and open a door to areas they should not be exploring.

We wonder why our young people struggle with Christianity. Why they seem so indifferent about their faith. Why they've never experienced that real breakthrough. Why 86% of them continue to walk away from the church after high school.

Yet, we allow them to feed on garbage six days a week and then somehow think that a mid-week vitamin and a trip to the salad bar on Sundays will solve their spiritual malnutrition.

They need a balanced diet; one rich in worship, prayer, and the Word, with large helpings of Godly fellowship, family togetherness, and self-reflection. Entertainment cannot become the main course; instead, it must be a dessert to enjoy after they've eaten all their dinner.

You may even find that after a steady diet of nutritious meals, they won't have much room left for dessert anyway.

Over the next few weeks, I'm going to disuss further the specific ways that entertainment is robbing our kids of their well-being. I'm also going to share with you some specific ideas and resources that can help you monitor your child's media consumption.

But don't wait... come up with a plan and get your kids on a media diet. They may be reluctant at first, perhaps even angry. After all, nobody really likes to be on a diet, do they? But we sure do appreciate the results of an effective one. With a little effort, and a strong conviction, your media plan will help ensure that you are raising healthy kids. And that's what really matters.

Talk Back: What suggestions do you have for monitoring your child's media use? Do you have a summer plan in place that you could share with others? Do you use any specific resources, products, or devices to help control what your children see? Do you agree/disagree with the statements made here about the appropriateness of some "programming for children"? To post a comment (either by name or anonymously), click on "comments" and follow the instructions.

Redefining Success

I’d like to share for a few minutes about “Redefining Success.”

You see as parents, if we’re not careful, we can formulate a measure of success for our kids that is not based on the Word of God.

In Romans 12, Paul writes “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” If we are to be a set-apart generation of parents who will raise a set-apart generation of children, it will not be just a matter of the heart. If we do not renew our minds, or as we used to say in children’s church, change our “stinkin’ thinkin’”, we will unknowingly find ourselves conforming to this world.

One of the areas where I believe we must transform our thinking is in how we define success.

You see, the world defines success vertically, that is, it goes from the bottom to the top. Think about the language we use to describe success: climbing the corporate ladder, moving up, reaching new heights, upward mobility, at the top of his game, working her way up.

As parents, we can easily embrace this model of success. We want our kids to play up (if they’re nine we want them playing with eleven-year-olds.) We want our kids to test up into a higher reading group or be placed up in an advanced class. If other kids read at age 5, we want our kids reading by age four. In essence, we want our kids to be the best athletes, dancers, or musicians; we want them to make straight A’s on their report card and 100’s on their tests. We want them to be well-mannered and not get in trouble in school so as not to cause us any embarrassment. And if they do all that, graduate with honors, go to college, earn a degree, and get a job, then we can breathe a sigh of relief and feel good about being the proud parents of a successful young man or woman. Our kids’ teachers applaud us, our community commends us, and our families congratulate us.

But what does God think?

You see, I believe that the Biblical view of success is a very different model. Whereas the world defines success vertically, I believe the kingdom model of success is defined laterally. That is, it goes from start to finish. Listen to the language found in God’s Word: “walking out our salvation,” “to Him who overcomes,” “running the race,” “fight the good fight,” “narrow is the path that leads to life.” These expressions suggest that the crowning achievement in life is not how high we climb, but rather how far we’ll walk. It’s not about reaching the top, it’s about reaching the finish.

Jesus provides a clear picture of Kingdom success. His crowning achievement was not when he turned water into wine or when he taught the multitudes on the hillside or helped the disciples catch a net full of fish. It was not when he read from the scroll in the temple or when he healed the soldier’s ear cut off by Peter in the garden or when he raised Lazarus from the dead. Yet think about it in today’s world… water into wine… that’d make you quite a success story in corporate America. Teaching the multitudes would earn you commendations as a teacher and motivator. Giving sight to the blind… that’s better than laser eye surgery. And repairing the soldier’s ear without tools… that’s the kind of plastic surgery Dr. Rey can only dream about.

Here’s Jesus, the son of a carpenter from Nazareth. What good comes out of Nazareth? It has all the makings of the world’s first rags-to-riches story.

My point is that Jesus did some amazing things.

And yet, we know this is not what made his life a success. His real crowning achievement were the thorns upon his brow and the nails in his hand. His moment of success recorded in just three simple words: “It is finished.” That was the pinnacle of his success. That was his crowning moment. That was what he spent his whole life preparing for. To reach the end and declare, “It is finished.”

It’s interesting to me that at the times when Jesus was performing all of those incredible acts… healing the sick, feeding the multitudes, walking on water… his followers must have thought he was the picture of absolute success. Yet, at the crucifixion, only one was there to see him in his final moments. At the pinnacle of his greatest triumph, they all had scattered. As Jesus hung on the cross and declared his success, his disciples abandoned him, condemning him a failure.

As parents, our greatest responsibility in raising successful children is to redefine that success according to a kingdom standard. Providing them with a good education, getting them on the right sports teams or the best dance studio, shuffling them around from event to event so they can become “well-rounded…” that should never be our priority.

My oldest son is only 2 ½ years old. But I have already determined that I do not care if he ever makes the Honor Roll in school or if he ever plays on a soccer team or learns to play the piano. My number one priority is that he learns to love God with his heart, soul, mind, & strength, and that I prepare him to walk out his salvation so that in the end he is standing at the finish line.

Does this mean that I don’t care about his future or want him to pursue excellence? Or that I don’t plan for him to go to college or want him to get a good job? No, of course not. But, I know that if I teach my son to pursue kingdom success and not worldly success, then all these other things that he has need of will be added unto him. God will bless his hands and his labor and expand his territory.

Why do I share all of this with you? Because while we, as Christian parents, are raising our kids and judging our success by the world’s standard, the kingdom is being robbed. While we commend ourselves and applaud one another for a job well done, the enemy is taking hold. As Christian parents, we’re so proud of our kids’ successes, yet studies show that 86% of Christian kids abandon their faith after graduating from high school. If we’re not careful, we’ll make the same mistake of Jesus’ disciples… we’ll focus on the achievements and miss the moment that matters most.

I believe all Christian parents are well-meaning and want their children to follow God all the days of their life. So what happens… the research studies suggest that our actions are simply not lining up with our priorities.

What would happen if we celebrated our kids when they pray and worship and study the Word the way we applaud them when they score a goal, perform at a recital, or make a hundred on a test.

The Word says we reap what we sow. So the question becomes, are we making the same investment in our kids spiritual development as we are in all the other important areas of their life.

I’ve come to this simple conclusion. If I want my sons to be radically different, set apart kids, then I am going to have to be a radically different, set apart parent.

If my children never achieve success by the world’s success, it will not matter.
Though others may condemn them a failure, it will not disappoint.

It’s not reaching the top, but reaching the finish.
It’s not crying out “I have done it,” but only “It is finished.”

The only “attaboy” that will ever really matter – “Well done, my son. Enter in.”

A Word to the Wise: Teaching Children to Value Wisdom

Then God said to Solomon: “Because this was in your heart, and you have not asked riches or wealth or honor or the life of your enemies, nor have you asked long life – but have asked wisdom and knowledge for yourself, that you may judge My people over whom I have made you king - wisdom and knowledge are granted to you; and I will give you riches and wealth and honor, such as none of the kings have had who were before you, nor shall any after you have the like.” --- 2 Chronicles 1:11-12

As I read this first chapter of the second book of Chronicles, I find myself imagining this somewhat outlandish proposition: God is standing before me with His arms outstretched and His hands closed in a fist. Then He slowly unfolds the fingers of His right hand to reveal a hand full of His wisdom. I look at it for a moment, excited at the invitation it suggests. Before I can reach for it, I see His left hand is also opened. In His palm is a small scrap of paper. As I look more closely at it, I soon recognize the pink edges and computer print. It is unmistakably a lottery ticket. I know immediately that it has the combination of winning numbers for tonight’s drawing. Overwhelmed even more by this offering, I am eager to grab the ticket. Before I can even extend my arm, both hands close tightly. “Choose one,” He says. Which hand should I choose? Fame and Fortune? Knowledge and Wisdom? Because this is a hypothetical situation, and I am supposed to be a mature Christian, the answer appears obvious. I’m supposed to choose wisdom. Any fool would know that. But do I? Do I choose to pursue wisdom when faced with other more tantalizing endeavors?

More than anything else, Solomon desired wisdom and knowledge. And he paid a price to attain it. He passed over an easy opportunity to acquire wealth or riches or honor or the defeat of his enemies. He didn’t ask for health or long life. He said simply, “Now give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may go out and come in before this people; for who can judge this great people of Yours?” Solomon recognized that to be a person of influence would require wisdom more than fame or fortune. Are we mature enough to recognize the greater value of wisdom? Or do we instead settle for instant gratification? The wise man will quickly grab wisdom from the hand of God, knowing that, from Solomon’s example, blessing and prosperity will soon manifest itself as the fruit of this wisdom. A wise man recognizes that you don’t have to choose between the two. Choose from the right hand and you can still have both. A winning lottery ticket? Millions of dollars? Probably not. But can you really put a price tag on a life of peace? Wisdom allows you to have your cake and eat it too.
Education, once considered the foundation of a strong nation, has taken a backseat as spoiled Americans go joyriding down the streets of prosperity. The rags-to-riches success stories on Wall Street, the latest professional athlete signing a multi-million dollar contract, and the next group of teenaged boys thrust into Hollywood stardom, all continue to plant false seeds of aspirations into our children. While some in our society have arrived at success through the widely acclaimed shortcut of good fortune, the greater truth, the unpublicized truth, is that “He who has a slack hand becomes poor, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.” In a world where the cause and effect relationship between wisdom and success has been distorted, it is imperative that we not lose sight of what is really important. We must diligently motivate our children towards wisdom. There are no shortcuts to success. There is no instant recipe for prosperity. Students who turn their nose up at authority, and their thumbs down at education, turn their backs on wisdom and knowledge. Does wisdom only come through schools and textbooks? Certainly not. But undoubtedly, schooling is a time of training and developing, raising up our children to know diligence, discipline, and purpose. If we allow our children to aimlessly wander through the hallways of our schools and the teen years of their lives, when will they acquire the appetite for wisdom? After they’ve feasted on foolishness and swallowed the consequences of poor decisions? After they’ve tasted the bitterness of undisciplined living?

While the world offers our children fistfuls of materialism, wrapped with instant fame, credit limits, get-rich-quick schemes, and promises of unearned high paying jobs, God quietly waits with his right hand of wisdom extended to them. “If anyone lacks wisdom,” James wrote, “Let him ask it of God who gives to all liberally and without reproach and it will be given him.” We must continue to remind our children of the source of wisdom and its importance in their lives, lest they be destined to don the proverbial dunce cap and sit shamefully in the corner of complacency. All because we let them reach for the wrong hand.