Redefining Success

I’d like to share for a few minutes about “Redefining Success.”

You see as parents, if we’re not careful, we can formulate a measure of success for our kids that is not based on the Word of God.

In Romans 12, Paul writes “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” If we are to be a set-apart generation of parents who will raise a set-apart generation of children, it will not be just a matter of the heart. If we do not renew our minds, or as we used to say in children’s church, change our “stinkin’ thinkin’”, we will unknowingly find ourselves conforming to this world.

One of the areas where I believe we must transform our thinking is in how we define success.

You see, the world defines success vertically, that is, it goes from the bottom to the top. Think about the language we use to describe success: climbing the corporate ladder, moving up, reaching new heights, upward mobility, at the top of his game, working her way up.

As parents, we can easily embrace this model of success. We want our kids to play up (if they’re nine we want them playing with eleven-year-olds.) We want our kids to test up into a higher reading group or be placed up in an advanced class. If other kids read at age 5, we want our kids reading by age four. In essence, we want our kids to be the best athletes, dancers, or musicians; we want them to make straight A’s on their report card and 100’s on their tests. We want them to be well-mannered and not get in trouble in school so as not to cause us any embarrassment. And if they do all that, graduate with honors, go to college, earn a degree, and get a job, then we can breathe a sigh of relief and feel good about being the proud parents of a successful young man or woman. Our kids’ teachers applaud us, our community commends us, and our families congratulate us.

But what does God think?

You see, I believe that the Biblical view of success is a very different model. Whereas the world defines success vertically, I believe the kingdom model of success is defined laterally. That is, it goes from start to finish. Listen to the language found in God’s Word: “walking out our salvation,” “to Him who overcomes,” “running the race,” “fight the good fight,” “narrow is the path that leads to life.” These expressions suggest that the crowning achievement in life is not how high we climb, but rather how far we’ll walk. It’s not about reaching the top, it’s about reaching the finish.

Jesus provides a clear picture of Kingdom success. His crowning achievement was not when he turned water into wine or when he taught the multitudes on the hillside or helped the disciples catch a net full of fish. It was not when he read from the scroll in the temple or when he healed the soldier’s ear cut off by Peter in the garden or when he raised Lazarus from the dead. Yet think about it in today’s world… water into wine… that’d make you quite a success story in corporate America. Teaching the multitudes would earn you commendations as a teacher and motivator. Giving sight to the blind… that’s better than laser eye surgery. And repairing the soldier’s ear without tools… that’s the kind of plastic surgery Dr. Rey can only dream about.

Here’s Jesus, the son of a carpenter from Nazareth. What good comes out of Nazareth? It has all the makings of the world’s first rags-to-riches story.

My point is that Jesus did some amazing things.

And yet, we know this is not what made his life a success. His real crowning achievement were the thorns upon his brow and the nails in his hand. His moment of success recorded in just three simple words: “It is finished.” That was the pinnacle of his success. That was his crowning moment. That was what he spent his whole life preparing for. To reach the end and declare, “It is finished.”

It’s interesting to me that at the times when Jesus was performing all of those incredible acts… healing the sick, feeding the multitudes, walking on water… his followers must have thought he was the picture of absolute success. Yet, at the crucifixion, only one was there to see him in his final moments. At the pinnacle of his greatest triumph, they all had scattered. As Jesus hung on the cross and declared his success, his disciples abandoned him, condemning him a failure.

As parents, our greatest responsibility in raising successful children is to redefine that success according to a kingdom standard. Providing them with a good education, getting them on the right sports teams or the best dance studio, shuffling them around from event to event so they can become “well-rounded…” that should never be our priority.

My oldest son is only 2 ½ years old. But I have already determined that I do not care if he ever makes the Honor Roll in school or if he ever plays on a soccer team or learns to play the piano. My number one priority is that he learns to love God with his heart, soul, mind, & strength, and that I prepare him to walk out his salvation so that in the end he is standing at the finish line.

Does this mean that I don’t care about his future or want him to pursue excellence? Or that I don’t plan for him to go to college or want him to get a good job? No, of course not. But, I know that if I teach my son to pursue kingdom success and not worldly success, then all these other things that he has need of will be added unto him. God will bless his hands and his labor and expand his territory.

Why do I share all of this with you? Because while we, as Christian parents, are raising our kids and judging our success by the world’s standard, the kingdom is being robbed. While we commend ourselves and applaud one another for a job well done, the enemy is taking hold. As Christian parents, we’re so proud of our kids’ successes, yet studies show that 86% of Christian kids abandon their faith after graduating from high school. If we’re not careful, we’ll make the same mistake of Jesus’ disciples… we’ll focus on the achievements and miss the moment that matters most.

I believe all Christian parents are well-meaning and want their children to follow God all the days of their life. So what happens… the research studies suggest that our actions are simply not lining up with our priorities.

What would happen if we celebrated our kids when they pray and worship and study the Word the way we applaud them when they score a goal, perform at a recital, or make a hundred on a test.

The Word says we reap what we sow. So the question becomes, are we making the same investment in our kids spiritual development as we are in all the other important areas of their life.

I’ve come to this simple conclusion. If I want my sons to be radically different, set apart kids, then I am going to have to be a radically different, set apart parent.

If my children never achieve success by the world’s success, it will not matter.
Though others may condemn them a failure, it will not disappoint.

It’s not reaching the top, but reaching the finish.
It’s not crying out “I have done it,” but only “It is finished.”

The only “attaboy” that will ever really matter – “Well done, my son. Enter in.”